Gratitude
You have so much to be grateful for in your life. For a long time I wanted to vomit when someone told me that. My first question would be grateful for what? Grateful for not having enough money? Grateful for living for pay check to pay check? Grateful for life’s disappointments? I could list everything I wasn’t grateful for because life really sucks at times, and those goodie two shoes who are always telling us how grateful they are for their great lives really just became a pain. How dare they be bragging about their wonderful lives while your own life is truly miserable?
But then God put me in a spot where I had to appreciate every little thing that was good in my life. He took away everything that I thought was important and left me with what I thought was nothing. Of course, I was bitter, very bitter. And yes, I was angry, extremely angry. But God has a way of bringing you to a space of stillness.
Seeing that I had nothing in the material department to remind me of God’s goodness, I had to focus on what money couldn’t buy. To my surprise, I did find quite a lot to make me grateful. I was not impressed with God for reminding me of His goodness because I quite liked being miserable and feeling sorry for myself. Instead of wanting my gratitude, why didn’t He compensate me for all my losses? But God can be very persistent, and so just to humour Him, I obliged. In my miserable, self-pitying low state, He actually showed me how much I have to say thank you for. And here are some of the things that I used to take the most for granted but I've learned to appreciate the most:
Yes, that was the first one on the list. When you go through a tough time, your partner is the first one to irritate the living daylights out of you. Suddenly you can’t stand each other, and you turn into polite strangers, if you’re lucky. Or you start blaming each other for whatever went wrong and brought you to this place.
I started realising how wonderful it is to have someone by my side, who gets me and my issues. It’s one of the most awesome things at night to stretch out and touch a warm body next to you in bed. And it’s a blessing to wake up next to another person every morning. Even if he snores and you have to elbow him (or her!) at night; even if they keep on talking when you reach you favourite part in your favourite movie and you just want them to keep quiet; even if you don’t always agree on things, especially the children; even when they drive you mad at times you have someone to come home to every day, and snuggle up next to every night.
One of the hardest thing for women whose partners have died, is to deal with that empty space next to them in the bed. Appreciate that body that’s there next to you right now, with all its imperfections and irritations. For countless women it would it would be a blessing to have their husbands next to them at night but sadly it's a privilege they no longer have.
My son had to go for a surgical procedure at a children’s hospital. In one of the wards there were photographs of some of the mothers with their children. Seeing the desperate hopelessness and the quiet despair of the parents as they were looking at their children brought tears to my eyes.
As I was looking around me and saw how many seriously ill children there were. I realised how fortunate I am to have a healthy child, to have two healthy children. That is a blessing we seldom stop to think about. There are parents who would give anything to have a healthy child.
Yes, our children can drive us mad, they take all our energy, they can be a handful. But you can tell them to go and do something to keep them busy and not even think about it. For many parents that alone would be a privilege.
I am blessed to have truly amazing friends that I can be honest with. Friends who are there when I need them and who care about my well-being. I don’t have many, but the few I have mean a lot to me. They have helped me out of situations when things were really tough and I didn’t see a way out. I don’t have to pretend with them, they knew me when things were very well for me, they saw me when things were really bad, and they stuck around. We’re not in competition with each other but we celebrate each other’s triumphs, we feel each other’s pain and share in each other’s joys. I would’ve been lost without their quiet support and encouragement.
We reached a point where we had to switch off our geyser to save money. And it was during the onset of winter. Taking a cold bath is really not for sissies and far from pleasant on a cold morning. But it had to be done. When we finally started to switch the geyser back on, taking a warm bath was blissful. It felt like paradise. Now every time warm water comes out of my taps, I feel like celebrating.
I never even thought about a bed much, until I didn’t have one. Years ago one of my best friends was sleeping on a mattress and I thought it was the coolest thing on earth. I remember the day she excitedly told me that she now has a bed, and I couldn’t understand what the fuss was all about. Now I know. The difference between a bed and a mattress doesn’t seem like much, but to me it was like moving from economy class to business class.
When money becomes really tight, certain things have to go. Milk is usually one of the first casualties. That one really hurt. I’ve had this weird obsession with milk and made sure there was always liters and liter of it in my house. I remember once when my brother came to visit for a few days he kept on asking why we have so much milk. That’s how bad it was.
To have coffee without milk was hard, really hard. I cannot describe the ecstasy when I had my first cup of coffee with milk again. It was one of the best experiences I’ve had in a long time.
At one stage things got so bad financially that all we had were bread, sugar and tea. Nothing else. And that was only enough of that one day. We had no idea where the food for tomorrow would come from. I will always remember the first day we could afford to go and buy a food. I felt like a millionaire. Filling up the cupboards and the freezer with food made my heart swell with pride and gratitude. Cooking became an absolute joy, and yes there was milk!
These are the things I never gave a second thought because it was always there. Gratitude only comes when you lose what has been part of your everyday life without your even noticing it. And then you lose it. It’s when you have nothing that real appreciation sets in for every blessing. But that only comes after the anger, the bitterness, the resentment and the self-pity. Gratitude only comes when healing comes. And believe me, it's so much better to be grateful than to be bitter.
Please stop and think for a moment what you have to be grateful for. It could be the first little light in an otherwise dark space.
This was written by Olivia Sambo, Entrepeneur and Financial Blogger. You can find me at oliviasambo.site123.me or get in touch at olivia.sambo@gmail.com