Hitting rock bottom
Losing my dad, my home and my income in one year brought me to this place called rock bottom. Having to uproot my children and take them away from all that was familiar to them was heart breaking. Not being able to afford even the most basic things was a new low that I’ve never experienced before. Seeing the despair and the hopelessness of my husband was like dying a painful quiet death every day.
I was assaulted with feelings of regret, shame and humiliation almost every day. The shame of not being able to provide for your child, the shame of living in an empty flat with no furniture, the shame of not having enough and not knowing where the food for tomorrow will come from. It’s a shame that you can’t describe.
And then the creditors start calling. At first you start to explain your situation. Then you run out of explanations and you end up just ignoring the phone calls that are coming day after day, several times a day, until you feel like screaming. How many times can you say my situation has not changed, I still don’t know when I will be able to pay you?
Tension start sitting in your shoulders until you feel weighed down by the load of all the worrying. You look at each other and ask where the hell did we go wrong and will we ever get out of this mess. And every day your heart breaks a little bit more when you look at your children, and there’s nothing you can offer them, except promises that things will get better and this too shall pass.
There are days that it takes every ounce of strength not to break down and cry until there are no more tears left. But you soldier on, for some reason there’s this small almost insignificant flame still flickering inside of you that’s telling you not to give up. Even while your heart is breaking, all hope is gone, and it feels as if God’s certainly not listening, but still you keep on going. And keep on hoping that tomorrow will be better than today.
Remember, the birds begin to sing when the night is at its darkest. There will be many dark nights and the birds will not appear. In the end all we have is hope and that’s something worth holding onto.
And soon all of the bad just becomes a memory and the light comes shining through with all its power, glory and magnificence. You realised that you’ve made it. You are still here. You are still standing. You can smile again, and joy has once again found its way to your heart and your life. Your new beginning has arrived, and the timing is perfect. It took a while to come, actually it felt like an eternity to come. But it is here, change has come. God has answered. You are stronger. You are standing. You are breathing. You are here. Ready to take and embrace whatever good is coming your way because in every little good there is the reminder that God is alive. And better is yet to come. And you know for sure that the darkness is over. And the light is here to stay.
This was written by Olivia Sambo, Entrepeneur and Financial Blogger at oliviasambo.site123.me. You can get in touch at olivia.sambo@gmail.com.